A New Moon is upon us...
Grateful for a moment of clarity to reflect. As I close the door to a home that has been my sanctuary and haven. Standing in the empty space that is just a shell of the home I made for myself. I reflect on all that has happened here. How suddenly things can change. How easy it is to attach to something because it feels so good. It feels like home. Now I ponder. What is home?
I turned in the keys to my apartment today with tears rolling down my face. I couldn’t believe it was happening and I couldn’t believe I was crying about it. Over the years people would ask, "How are you going to feel when you have to move?" I would arrogantly say, “I’m not attached. Home is where the heart is. Besides, whatever is next will be better.” When the “what if” became a “you have five days to vacate." I was forced to give up this place and it wasn’t on my terms. I soon realized my heart, my energy, my very essence lived in what is now just an empty apartment. This place has become integral to my identity. As you read this, I know my home has felt like a home for you too. Even if you've never been. I opened myself up and shared my haven so freely and now...it's gone and I wasn't prepared for that. So much has happened, so much has changed as a result of current events. My plans and intentions have had to change with it. As I walk around from room to room, the magic still lingers. So many memories. No matter what happened on the outside, this was always my haven.
"As I walk around from room to room, the magic still lingers."
Suddenly, the problems of the world began to flood my sanctuary and I felt lost, unprotected and unsafe. Navigating the realities and uncertainty of this realm became so much more challenging as I felt the floor give way. Yes, I know, I have so much to be grateful for. I remember when I was in college and I was homeless. I slept in my car. That isn't my situation now. So I berated myself for feeling such loss now. However, the reality is, I feel like I've been stripped bare. I feel exposed in a way I haven't before. Where I am now is uncomfortable and unsettling, literally and figuratively. I will have to strive to accept that this is just a detour. I know this is apart of my growth and transition. That awareness doesn't make it any less difficult. The stories I share are my lived experiences and this chapter is a hard one.
I woke up with an alertness this morning. Knowing this was my last day in my apartment. I realize the gravity of this day. May 22nd, 2020, the end of an Era. The New Moon invites new beginnings. This unexpected ending is so intense that I have no real vision of the bright beginnings that are on the horizon. Yet I lean in and trust Spirit. Symbolism. Vibrations. The essence of the unquantifiable. There must be magic here. A New Moon that falls on the 22nd, my Life Path number is Master Number 22 . I trust that I am called for a higher level of service to the world. It is ever challenging and conflicting, but gratifying. I know that this is about me breaking out of my safe zone. The great sense of security I’ve felt is gone. Soon it will be time to take bigger risks. To step fully into the unknown. Yes, this can be scary, but it will definitely be worth it.
If you’re facing uncertainty, challenges, loss. Know that you are not alone.
Pause, take the time you need to recalibrate, to breathe, to gain clarity. When you’re ready, shift yourself and your vibrations to a higher level. Find the courage and strength to take risks.
I’ll play myself out...
Until next time. A mantra: It's just part of the cycle.
Peace, love, and liberation